Lonesome Cowboy (Honky Tonk Hearts) Read online

  Marshall folded his arms across his chest and hunkered down further in the chair. Why was he the idiot? He’d loved her with all his being, went out to prove himself for her, to raise money to start their life together, got the ring and even bought her a damn—

  No, Amy was the one who threw his love into the dirt and married another man.

  How did that make him the idiot?

  Chapter Four

  “What an idiot!”

  Amy shook her head at her cousin’s outburst, and leaned forward in the hospital bed to rake the damp tissue over her eyes as another bout of tears started. “No. It’s not his fault. I never knew. Oh God, Andee. I never knew.”

  Her cousin was on her bedside in a flash, grabbing her into a hug. “I don’t understand, sweetie. Never knew what?”

  Amy’s gaze held on the hospital bassinet near the other side of the bed. A pink knitted cap cradled her new daughter’s tiny head, below which little bow lips worked in small suckling motions. An overwhelming fullness of love and thankfulness expanded her chest and started a new well of tears of confusion and loss. Marshall’s words hadn’t clicked in until after the drama had ended, her baby was sleeping safe and sound, and she had time to replay the moments of the night.

  “I never heard a word from him…weeks, months went by…a-and then Mom died and…I was all alone…and Hank had been good to me, at least back then.” She pulled away and swiped at her eyes yet again. Everyone had warned her of the baby blues, teary sessions that came not long after childbirth, but come on.

  “He knew I didn’t love him, but he said he just wanted to take care of me.” Her hands flew up in exasperation. “God, Andee, I was so alone. Marshall never called, never came back, Mom died, you were hundreds of miles away. I felt like everyone had abandoned me so yeah, I said yes to someone who wanted me…” She covered her swollen eyes in despair. “But if I had known…if I had only known…”

  Gentle fingers pulled her hands from her eyes. Her cousin’s short red hair bobbed as she tilted her head, her expression both amused and confused. “Known what?”

  The pillow whooshed beneath her as Amy slammed against the upraised back of the utilitarian bed. “Last night,” she forced out. “Marshall said…he said he’d had a ring in his p-pocket.” The last word broke on a sob, just as quickly, another broke free on a surge of anger. “A ring, Andee! How could he not have told me, how could he not have contacted me in five months if he was in love…if he wanted to m-marry me…how was I to know?”

  How could Marshall do that to her? She’d waited by the damn phone for weeks, months until her mother and everyone convinced her that she was just the leftovers of another rodeo cowboy. Her heart had been crushed, broken, and scattered on the dust. And it became harder and harder to convince them they were wrong when he never called; when he’d deserted her, just like they said.

  Then her mother died suddenly, and her whole world fell into a void. And unlike Marshall, Hank had been there.

  A new sadness swept over her. That was one ghost she had purged from her closet, accepted the blame for her faults in the marriage and made her peace with it all, but that didn’t make it right.

  And now this bizarre information-slip from Marshall? Of everything that could have been, should have been…but was now left in a pile of sawdust on the floor because too much had happened that couldn’t be undone, too much to ever excise that ghost.

  One that would haunt her forever.

  “He hates me, Andee.” The tears streaked fire down her cheeks in slashes of scars burning deeper than the flesh, punishment for sins of the past, for losing faith.

  “Oh hon, no, he doesn’t.” She sat forward in her seat, a shimmer glistening in her own eyes as she pointed to the other side of the bed. “My gosh, he helped you deliver your beautiful little girl.”

  “That was just circumstance.” Amy accepted the new clump of tissues from her cousin. “No, you should have seen him when we were talking—if that’s what you could call it. He was so angry.” She dropped her head into the crisp pillow behind her. “I should never have gone there. What was I thinking? Seriously?”

  Andee folded the blankets up under Amy’s arms and gave her a gentle yet stern gaze. “You were thinking about your baby. You were thinking that clearing the regrets from your past would give you the fresh start you were looking for.” She brushed a damp strand of hair from Amy’s forehead. “But if I had known it was going to throw you into labor, I never would have told you I knew where he was.”

  A fact her cousin had kept to herself for the last two years.

  “Oh, so this is your fault?” The smile was forced, but she owed Andee so much more than this poor-me blubbering. She laid a hand on her only relative’s arm. “No, I take full responsibility for this whole mess, for the stupid idea in the first place…I should have just left everything in the past where it belonged.”

  Then I wouldn’t have seen Marshall again. Smelled him again. Craved his touch again. To be honest, she still didn’t know if her legs had given out on her because of the contraction, or because of the large hands gloriously holding her again. She shook her head as another sob escaped for all that could have been.

  Comforting arms came around her and held her tight, but one glance at the sleeping baby and Amy held her lips firm. No more tears. No more time for regrets of what might have been. She had a daughter to take of now. A little baby who was relying on her, and this was one person she would not let down.

  ****

  “What am I doing here?” Marshall asked the little white bear in his hand. The silly pile of fluff with a pink cowboy hat and matching boots had caught his attention as he walked into the hospital; next thing he knew, he was paying for it at the gift shop.

  He took off his own Stetson and brushed his hair back with his forearm as he stared at the elevator doors in the lobby. Somewhere two floors above, Amy was with her new daughter.

  It’d been a pretty dramatic moment all in all, and if he was still a little shaken by it, he could only imagine how she felt now that she had a baby to take care of.

  Another man’s child.

  He pressed his eyes shut, their conversation still playing a continuous loop in his mind. He rubbed his chest, the heaviness still there—but history like that wasn’t easy to get over. Then there was Gus’s disapproving look mixing in with the mess. But the old man just didn’t understand. And Marshall couldn’t get past the picture of Amy in the wedding gown with a bright new ring on her finger, and another man standing beside her.

  Then what am I doing here?

  He’d been walking in a fog since last night, and he tried to shake out of it yet again. Turning to leave, Marshall stumbled slightly as his boot scraped against the big white and pink basket. Right, Keira.

  Get out of your head and back to the here and now, Marsh.

  The ding of the bell announced the arrival of the elevator. With a heavy breath, he reluctantly picked up the basket and set the bear inside next to the multitude of pink paraphernalia. This afternoon, Keira had beamed at the reminder of the miracle that had happened, as if she’d just gained a niece. His goal had been to get the lumber to fix the honky tonk’s garbage enclosure since idiot Austin Talbot ran into it a few nights ago, but Keira’s had been to get him to take the gift basket to the hospital. He hated that he gave in quicker than he should have—and the obnoxious smirk on his friend’s face told him she knew it.

  With a resigned swipe of his chin, Marshall stepped into the elevator and rode up to the maternity ward. The doors opened, and he straightened his back before heading down the hall to the room number Keira had instructed. Just outside the door, he paused at the firm voice coming from inside the room.

  “I won’t hear of it, Amy. You’re coming home with me and Davis, and that’s all there is too it.”

  “Andee, really, I appreciate you letting me borrow the baby stuff and all your help. But I think it’s best if I go back. I’ll be fine.”

  “I kno
w you will, but that’s not the point. Remember, I wore the new-mama shoes not so long ago—but at least I had help from Davis, not to mention Honey filling in at the café.”

  Marshall knew he should just drop the basket and leave, but the heavy, almost defeated breath of response burned his ears, and his body refused to move.

  There were a few clicked steps before Amy’s cousin spoke again. “I don’t want you to be all alone when there is no good reason for you to go back to Fort Worth. Honestly, what’s there for you? Your house is on the market and could sell out from under you at any time. And you’ve said you don’t enjoy working at the inn since the new owners took over.” The creak of a bed broke into the pause. “You were coming here to pick up the bassinet and baby clothes anyway, so why not just stay—stay where there’s people who love you and can help. Trust me, the first few weeks are a learning curve, not to mention the sleep deprivation.”

  Andee’s laughter filtered out of the door. Small gurgles and mews of a baby filled the following silence as Marshall listened intently for Amy’s reply. From the small trip up the elevator, he’d almost been half ready to offer, if not his full forgiveness, at least enough so Amy could go and live her life the way she needed to—he’d just never expected that life to be lived so close.

  “I love you, Andee, but I can’t disrupt your lives like that. The last thing you two need is two more bodies crowding your home—especially one that could be up all night crying for all we know. I’d hate to disrupt Davis and his vet practice…what if he has early morning calls?”

  “Don’t worry about him. He got used to it real quick with Jackson. Besides, we’ve already talked about it, and he’s in full agreement.” The groan of released mattress springs preceded the clip of shoes on tiled floor. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, Amy. I know how hard it was with Hank this last year. He didn’t need to be so cru—”

  “Don’t, Andee. I don’t want to talk about that anymore. There’s no sense…”

  What happened with Hank last year? Why did she have to be strong? Marshall leaned forward to hear the rest, but her strained voice lowered to an unintelligible level, until the bitter tone came back loud and clear.

  “Like Marshall said, I picked my bed…”

  He cringed and dropped his chin at the bite of his own words. The pink-hatted bear stared back, its smile mocking him.

  “Hey, doesn’t matter what you chose…no one deserved to be treated like that.”

  Marshall’s head snapped up at Andee’s sharp retort. What did Hank do? He glanced around quickly, suddenly realizing what it must look like, eavesdropping outside the door, but the nurses at the desk down the hall were chatting away amongst themselves, and the elevators remained silent.

  “Wait, I’ve got it,” Andee’s excited voice interjected. “The apartment above the café is empty. Honey moved out last month to be with Chase. It’s perfect for the two of you. This way you’ll have your own space, but we’ll be close enough to help out.”

  Though he didn’t hear Amy’s low reply, her cousin’s attitude came through with all the tolerance of family. “I understand your concerns, but you know you don’t have a choice, right?”

  The unexpected, soft laughter in answer stole through the door and knocked him back against the wall. A sound he hadn’t heard in a very long time. He hadn’t expected the old emotions to surface so quickly.

  “Okay, I guess we’ll stay then.”

  Marshall drew down his brows at the confirmation in her tone. A squeal from Andee quickly filled the room, followed by the startled cry of a baby.

  He fought for breath as a bunch of cooing and soft laughter escaped the doorway as they settled the baby back down. He didn’t move to go in, and his legs were too heavy to walk away, the same kind of heaviness that lay like a fist on his chest.

  Yes, if he had to admit it, maybe he did feel better Amy wouldn’t be alone at a time like this. But having her so close? And what about what Andee said? You don’t have to be strong all the time. I know how hard it was with Hank this last year…no one deserves to be treated like that.

  Not liking the questions the overheard conversation spun in his head, Marshall readjusted his Stetson. He would’ve been wiser not to have come here in the first place. He’d be wise now to leave it alone, to let her get on with her life, and him with his.

  He stared hard at the open doorway, his body tugged in two directions as a soft lullaby floated through. Harder to do than it should have been, he quietly set the basket outside the door and walked away…for once in his life choosing the wiser decision.

  ****

  “I think that’s all of it.” Amy pulled the strap of the new baby bag over her shoulder, the big pink bow still on the front from when Andee brought it to them earlier. Same with Jackson’s outgrown car seat.

  “Good. I’ll go down and bring the car to the front.” Andee gave her a big hug. “I am so glad you’ll be staying.”

  “For now,” she replied pointedly.

  “For now,” her cousin repeated with a knowing, overly impish smile before flipping her red strands and skipping from the room.

  Amy blew out what seemed to be her hundredth sigh of resignation since Andee first brought up the idea. Truth be told though, her cousin was right. There was no longer anything holding her to Fort Worth; at least here, she’d be close to family again.

  The squeaking of wheels entered the room and she turned to find the smiling day nurse pushing a wheelchair through the doorway.

  “Your chariot awaits, ladies.”

  Amy grimaced. “Do I really need that?”

  “Rules are rules. Think of it as your last free ride until after little Charlotte there gets married.”

  As the nurse giggled, Amy caught a glimpse of a fluffy white teddy bear wearing the cutest pink cowboy hat and boots sitting in the middle of the seat.

  “Oh how sweet! Thank you.”

  “Isn’t it? But, don’t thank me. I found her sitting outside your door. It must have fallen out of one of your gift baskets.”

  Along with Andee’s, she’d received one other from the owners of the Lonesome Steer Honky Tonk. Her cheeks still burned in embarrassment at the memory, but the gesture and gifts that overflowed the pink and white basket were truly heartwarming considering the trouble she’d caused.

  Smiling, she accepted the bear and wiggled it in front of Charlotte’s wide eyes. A familiar whiff of soapy musk drifted instantly around her, froze her for a moment before she creased her brows and held the bear away. It couldn’t be…

  She shook her head. No, just your hormones all mixed up right now. That made far more sense than Marshall—

  “Amy? You okay?”

  “Hmmm?” She raised her head to find Andee back and staring at her with a concerned frown. Amy forced a smile to her tight lips. “Yep, mm-hmmm, good to go.” She dropped the bear onto the blanket covering her daughter in the car seat and shook out of her silly thoughts.

  While her cousin collected the baskets and overnight bag, Amy reluctantly sat in the wheelchair. The clean, earthy musk scent haunted her again as she set the car seat on her knees.

  “You’ll see, Amy,” Andee said as she led the small circus line out the door. “Staying in Redemption may just turn out to be the best thing…for both of you.”

  Amy gulped. Both of us? What did Andee mean by tha—oh, Charlotte and me, of course…of course.

  Chapter Five

  Amy readjusted the baby carrier to one hand, and used the other to pull on the big handle of the Lonesome Steer’s double doors. Bright afternoon sun shone behind her, making the inside darker as she entered. The drone of a dishwasher and the soft clinking of silverware echoed about as she waited for her eyes to adjust.

  “He-e-ey, look at you.”

  Amy turned toward the sound of the welcoming voice to find Keira and another woman wrapping cutlery in napkins.

  The lovely blonde headed her way. “You don’t look like a woman who just deliver
ed a baby.”

  Accepting Keira’s hug, Amy replied, “How about one who delivered in the back office of a honky tonk?”

  Laughter rang out as the bartender stepped back. “Nope, not that either.” Her focus turned to the baby carrier and her smile grew tenfold. “Is this her?”

  Amy snorted at the obvious answer, and, with a wide grin of her own, nodded.

  “Well bring her on over.” Keira waved her hand excitedly toward a nearby table.

  Setting the carrier on the worn oak surface, she peeled back the pink blanket just as the other woman came over to join them. Keira let out a long and low awwwwhhh almost simultaneously with the waitress.

  “What did you name her?”

  “Lonesome Steera McGill, in memory of where she was born and to thank you for all your help.” When the woman’s brows jumped above wide brown eyes, Amy couldn’t hold the straight face. “Just kidding.”

  “Oh, thank God!” Keira’s slim hand rose to pat the ample chest beneath the honky tonk logo on her navy blue tank. “But, really, it’s not unusual these days. Name choices are getting more outrageous and obscure.” She hiked a thumb to the woman beside her. “Take Tulsa Blue over here for instance.”

  “Hey!” the young brunette exclaimed with a good-natured sock to her boss’s arm. “At least people remember me,” she added with a laugh.

  “Well, I went for something a little more traditional,” Amy said. “Charlotte Marie.” She brushed a hand over her daughter’s pale, downy hair. “Marie for my mom,” she added quietly.

  The oooh and awws erupted again.

  “I don’t know.” A twinkle beamed from the eyes of the older man approaching. “I think Gussa or Gussalyn woulda been a good choice.”

  Keira laughed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Amy, this is my dad, Gus.”

  He held his hand out. “You were a little busy for introductions last week. Nice to finally meet you.”

  She accepted his warm greeting, now recalling the graying, handlebar mustache from behind the bar when she first arrived that night.